Identifying effective communication techniques in combating
conflict situations related to interpersonal conflict can be daunting. However,
there are distinct communication approaches that can be used to accomplish
successful outcomes in interpersonal relationship conflicts.
Bridging the gaps
between interpersonal conflicts is vital to the conflict manager in managing
conflict situations and can be achieved by utilizing effective communication
techniques. There are various reasons why conflict occurs. Conflict can occur due
to cultural divides, gender gaps between sexes, and economic, power, and social
classes divides. In addition, conflict can occur due to lack of effective
communication techniques being used, personality conflicts, stress and anger,
and the climate in which conflicts manifest. The way in which we handle
conflict situations is highly dependent on how we view conflict.
Most people tend to have a negative view about conflict and
do not handle confrontations well. By utilizing constructive attitudes and more
positive conflict management and resolution skills, we will feel less
apprehensive about engaging in interpersonal conflict and better able to manage
and resolve it (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). Conflict is inevitable in our
everyday lives. Why does conflict occur?
Conflict occurs because of cultural divides in our society
that carry over into our interpersonal relationships. According to Conflict
Management, (n.d.) Variables in the Study of Conflict, we find it
difficult to work and communicate effectively with people from different
cultural backgrounds and it is the basis for individual, team, and
organizational conflict situations. These
cultural differences may relate to any dimension of diversity. Where there is a
divide, we look for bridges (Abigail & Cahn, p. 2). An common bridge in
interpersonal relations is communication.
At its basis the
communication process is viewed as one person sending a message to another
person (receiver) through some channel (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). When two
people are communicating conflict can occur because the senders’ message was
misinterpreted by the receiver due to distractions such as, other people
talking or loud sounds in the background. In addition, the parties could
experience non-verbal reactions from the message sender or receiver, i.e.,
facial cues, body movements, and tone of voice. The linear model of
communication emphasizes accuracy, is what was “received” the same thing as
what was intended or sent” (Abigail & Cahn, 2011)?
While the linear
view emphasizes the end product of communicating (convincing, persuading,
controlling, or dominating the other), the transactional model of communication
emphasizes managing and coordinating. It is not what we do to one another; it
is what we do with one another (like teamwork). This model recognizes the
behaviors of each person, in response to one another, exchanging messages,
hearing each other out, cooperating, and conjointly creating an understanding
(Abigail & Cahn, 2011). The most important role that transactional model
recognizes is that it takes two people to initiate the conflict and two people
to resolve it. Next, we will look at communication techniques in responding to
conflict.
The S-LTC system teaches us to stop, think, listen, and
then communicate with the other person. Often times, these four steps can help
resolve interpersonal conflicts through basic communication skills. The
important thing about Stop is it gives us time to focus on the fact that a
conflict exists and what are our options. Think, is the step used to analyze
the situation and figure out what is really happening. What triggered the
conflict and how to go about resolving it by utilizing the mapping strategy?
Listen, is the step where we listen to the other person. Listening does not
mean that we have to agree with the other party but it allows us to see the
situation from the other person’s point of view.
We must be careful at this juncture not to take the
opinions and views of the other party personally or become defensive. This
could be the difference between resolving the conflict and creating more
conflict. Lastly, communicating, we should be sure to use assertive messages
for expressing our feelings, wants, and needs during the confrontation process
by using I-statements. For example, I think, I feel versus “you always” and
“most people.” It is important to use a calm tone of voice during the
communication process and avoid being perceived as judgmental. The S-TLC is not
the end all tell all solution especially when the other party considers their views
and opinions to be right and are unwilling to collaborate. There are five basic
conflict styles.
A style is a preferred way of behaving. Numerous scholars
have adapted the Blake and Mouton styles grid as a means of discussing five
contrasting conflict styles. The
five basic conflict styles are, avoidance, competition, accommodation,
compromise, and collaboration. Beyond one's overall style for behavior
during a conflict, other matters of individual style also affect perceptions
during conflicts. Each person has
preferences in communication. When two
people in conflict have opposite preferences, misunderstandings are likely to
occur. A competent conflict manager will prefer collaboration, but recognize
that the timing or conditions may not always allow collaboration to occur. Consequently, a skillful conflict manager
will be adept at selecting the right style for the right situation and then
engaging each style in a humane and non-harmful manner (Conflict Management,
(n.d.), Variables in the Study of Conflict). Another variable
in resolving conflict situations is the role that personality plays in conflict
management.
Each of us has unique personalities and it effects how we
manage conflict. Certain personalities handle certain situations differently.
For example, a fun-loving type personality might misunderstand the
high-achiever type personality and visa versa. Where the fun-loving personality
may be all about having a good time with the attitude “let the chips fall where
they may.” The high-achiever type may be all about organization, knowing what
is ahead, and preparing for it. The fun-loving type might view the
high-achiever type as too pessimistic and does not like to have fun “all work,
and no play.” Where the high-achiever type personality might see the fun-loving
type as too optimistic, “flaky” and unreliable.
Understanding who you are plays an important role in how you handle
conflicts. Stress and anger can be another source of conflict.
Stress is experienced subjectively as a biochemical reaction
within the body because of the way in which we interpret and respond to
external pressures, which may be positive or negative (Abigail & Cahn,
2011). According to Study Guides and Strategies website, stress symptoms
include mental, social, and physical manifestations. These include exhaustion,
loss of/increased appetite, headaches, crying, sleeplessness, and oversleeping.
Escape through alcohol, drugs, or other compulsive behavior are often
indications. Feelings of alarm, frustration, or apathy may accompany stress. Stress
Management is the ability to maintain control when situations, people,
and events make excessive demands. Some useful tips in managing stress are,
avoid stressful situations, get plenty of sleep, change how you react to
stress, and exercise. In addition to stress being a source of conflict there is
anger.
Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, a synonym for
antagonism and rage (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). Anger is what we feel when we
do not get what we want. Anger could lead to revenge or violence.
References:
Abigail, A. & Cahn, D.
(2011). Managing conflict through communication (4th ed.).
Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.
Conflict Management, (n.d.). Variables
in the Study of Conflict Retrieved from: http://www.cios.org/encyclopedia/conflict/Dvariables9_style.htm
Free Enneagram Test: (n.d.) The RHETI Sampler. Your Basic Personality Type. The Enneagram Institute is a Service Mark of Enneagram Personality Types, Inc. Retrieved from: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/intro.asp#type
Mathew,
P. (n.d.). Conflict Resolution Skills. MMM Training Solutions. Retrieved
from: http://www.slideshare.net/MMMTS/conflict-resolution-skills-presentation
Miller, C., & Stetson, N.
(n.d.). Why learn to manage conflict. Retrieved from:http://www.slideshare.net/profjim/managing-conflict
Study Guides and Strategies,
(n.d.). Managing Stress. Retrieved from: http://www.studygs.net/stress.htm.
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